Masters student rues the day he got his Visa

DETROIT , MI-

Ajay Sharma, one of the Indian graduate students at Wayne State, wishes he had not been granted the F1 student visa. "Looking back, I wish that the consular officer had rejected it," he said.

Ajay joins hundreds of graduate students in various campuses across the US searching desperately for jobs. "I thought all I had to do was make it to the US, do my shit, and the rest would follow," he said. "This sucks," he added.
 
Ajay recently landed an interview in a major technology company, only to be told that the positions were being outsourced to India. To add to his woes, the company that received the outsourcing contract had hired him when he was in India. "I had rejected that job offer to come here. Can you beleive that?" he added bitterly.

"I mean, I love India and all that shit, but couldn't this outsourcing crap wait a few more years? Maybe until after I get my green card?" he continued wistfully. "Oh! the irony!!" he exclaimed.

Ajay's sorrows were compounded further when he called his old friend Arun in India. "That bastard now has the job that I'd rejected," said Ajay. "To think I felt sorry for him when he didn't get the visa," he added.

While Ajay lived in a two bedroom apartment with three roommates, Arun was living large in India. "He's already visited three countries. He lives in a well-furnished apartment all by himself, and rides a cool bike too," said Ajay.

"And he's got servants to do stuff around the house," Ajay spat out as he began to vacuum the carpet.

(c) The Banian, 2004

The Return of the Editor

It was a quiet evening at 22-1B Banian Street. Dr.Whatever was sitting in the study, reading a book or whatever. A loud knock on the door woke him from his reverie (French for sleep).

"What the..." said Dr.Whatever, for at the doorstep stood an untidy man in a straight-jacket that had seen better days.

"Whatever?" completed the man.

"Yeah, whatever," said the doctor.

"My dear friend! It's me. The editor," said the man.

"Like I said...whatever," retorted the doctor.

"I need to get out of this straight-jacket. I need a shave and a shower," said the editor.

"That's a leeetle bit more information than I need to know. The bathroom's over there," replied the doctor.

"I know. I live here," said the editor sarcastically. His sarcasm was wasted. Dr.Whatever was already back to his reverie.

"My friend, have you wondered about my absence?" asked the-now-clean editor.

"Nope," mumbled the doctor.

"Did you wonder what happened to me as I fell off that cliff while wrestling with my alter ego?" the editor persisted.

"Not really," said Dr.Whatever.

"Well, it was a long fall, for the cliff was high," started the editor, putting his fingertips together and staring into the distance.

Dr.Whatever's snores shut him up abruptly.

"Great. Thanks for the welcome," muttered the editor. "No one understands genius. It's sooo fucking not elementary," he added, while making a large pot of coffee.

Editor way too serious about Updates

SIOUX CITY, IA-

The Banian, Editor of the spoof-zine The Banian, is taking his hobby a little too seriously, according to informed sources. The editor's inclinations came to light in the wake of the loss of his job, upon which he is now forced to look for a new job.

"I mean, I have hit upon a good idea, and it is up to me to keep churning funny stuff," said the editor. "I owe it to my fans," he added, rather dramatically.

"I think he should shelve this new-found hobby for a while until he finds his next project," said the editor's pragmatic alter ego, looking a little worried. "What does he think he is? The next best thing since Sienfeld?" he added.

"I had so many plans. I wanted to design new templates. I wanted to provide links and graphics," lamented the editor, as he was put in a straight-jacket by his alter ego. "I will be back," he added, impersonating Arnold rather badly.

"Dude, this guy is nuts," said the alter ego, rolling his eyeballs.

The reaction of the fans has been difficult to judge, largely owing to their paucity. "The what?" said one, trying hard to remember if The Banian rang any bells.

(c) The Banian, 2004